Google Ads Sucks

You all may have noticed the lame ads on this blog. They are Google's way using my ass for free advertising space. I don't get paid unless you people click on them, but you all still see them right? Just because you don't click, doesn't mean you didn't read the ad and fall victim to the advertisement in some way. I think I should get paid just for having them on my site. I mean, when you drive by a billboard on the highway do you click on it. No, but it may still be an effective ad right? Anyway, help me take Google's money. Click on all the ads even if you don't give a fuck about them. Screw you Google. Pay me!!!!!!!!!

What Country Am I In?

I think I have come to the realization that there is really no such thing as being Canadian anymore. These days it seems like Canada has become a stage for all the countries of the world to showcase the culture of the country they came from. As someone who was born here with parents and grandparents that were born here too, let me be very clear. I think all your festivals that celebrate what race, color, religion, or what country you're from make you look so silly. We all scream racism and complain when we aren't treated equally or feel like we are being discriminated against, so why throw all these festivals that prove how different we are from each other. Why throw a festival that focuses on one type of person? Let me be very clear here, so I don't get accused of being racist or some other BS like that. I think anyone that can make a positive contribution to this great country has an equal right to be here, but why do so many people living in Canada insist on celebrating where they are from instead of the place they are now. We all know Canada is better then where you are from anyway. Why else would you be here? Lets stop segregating ourselves with these silly closed minded festivals and be proud to be Canadian Together. 

What prompted such a serious post you may ask? I saw a sign today that read "ride a camel at Muslimfest." It just kind of made me laugh. Be Muslim if you want to be, but why do you need to have a Muslim celebration and ride camels in a county that doesn't even have camels. If you want to be accepted and treated equally, at least try to fit in. That last comment and this post in general applies to all racial and religious groups, not just Muslims. We all want to be treated equally, but so many of us go so far out of our way to prove how different we are. You can't have it both ways. 

This Guy Is My Hero

I saw this Video on Facebook like 3 times today. It made me laugh my ass off, so I thought I would share with you guys. You may have already seen this, but if not, get ready to see douche bagery at its best. Whoever is making these compilations is my hero. Thanks for the content bro. Some of these people I kind of felt bad for, but most of these guys simply found out what happens when you do stupid shit!

A few Things That Made Me Laugh

This post is just some pics of a few things that made me laugh. A few of them were submitted by friends. Thanks guys for supporting. You know who you are.

 This store has some really nice clothes actually.

I just cant understand why someone would call a clothing

line Bench. It just doesn't make sense.

 Wow, It almost says the F word. So clever! yet another 

lame brand name the world doesn't need.

My budy's Kitchen. This guy is the pizza champ.

 Sometimes even I do something douchy. I ate Burger King

and Rotten Ronnie's all at once. It was so good too.

Blast from the past.

what was this guy thinking?

For some reason this Tasty Market sign looks
a lot like a Hasty Market sign.

 It's so childish that I find this funny, but
you know you cracked a smile on this one.

 

Pointy Shoes

I honestly think I was born to write this blog. I don't even have to think about new ideas. I just go about my daily routine and shit just pisses me off. Then I go home and rant my fool ass off. Anyway, why do people wear pointy shoes? They look like garbage, and they simply cant be comfortable at all. Some people are so freakin desperate to be unique and cool that they just make themselves look silly. It's so sad really. Here's a hint people. It's OK to not stand out. It's OK to wear similar shoes to your co-workers or classmates. You don't always have to be on the lookout for that fresh new thing. People are most attractive when they look natural. I mean, try to look your best, but wearing witch shoes just makes you look goofy. The other thing with trying to find the new thing all the time is, you actually don't even look unique. Instead, you actually end up being part of a huge group of clowns walking around with pointy shoes. I thought this mental trend was pretty much dead, but I saw like 3 people wearing pointy ass shoes today. Thanks for the content my painfully trendy little friends.

 This is what everyone is thinking when

when you wear pointy shoes.

Guys, don't think this one is just about the ladies. I see you downtown with your dress pants and your pointy little elf shoes. You poor metrosexual fools. At least trim that chest hair and leave that gold chain at home next time. Grrrrrrr!

iPad

Why does anyone own an iPad? They are so lame! If you own one of these, please respond to this and defend yourself. Please explain to me why anyone would need this idiotic device. It's like giant iPod, or a big iPhone that doesn't make phone calls. Ok, it has a bigger screen than an iPhone, but just like the the iPhone, it isn't flash compatible. This makes watching video content built into many sites not possible, or a pain in the ass at best. I know all you Mac geeks are going to argue that there are jailbreaks and apps that can help. F that bullshit!! why should I shell out $800 on a device that can't make phone calls like my iPhone and doesn't have the same internet capabilities as a Macbook? I'm not a Mac hater by any means. I typed this on my nice pearly white iMac. I just think that the iPad is a useless piece of crap that only appeals to total douche bags. If you own one, please be the first person with enough balls to post a reply on this wonderful blog of mine. I know some of you probably want to punch me in the face by now, but lets be adults here. Prove me wrong. Fight for your right to carry an oversize iPod.

You can be the coolest person alive.

All you have to do is buy this thing you don't

really want or need.

Facetime your other friends

that have too much money and

time on their hands. It will make you 

super content.

6 cents

Gas prices suck lots and lots of balls. I think we can all agree on that. What I don't get is, why does everyone rush down to the gas station like their life is going to be drastically altered if they don't get gas before the price goes up? Really people? Please stop acting like idiots. I can't take it anymore. I'm not rich by any means, but I refuse to rush down to an overcrowded gas station to save a few cents. Every gas station I drove by tonight looked like the GTA was about to be evacuated. I refuse to even do the math on this, but I guarantee that you aren't saving enough to make any real difference in your life. Let me let you people in on a little secret. I don't even look at the price on the pump. I always just put the same dollar amount in my tank and it always gives me roughly the same amount of gas. Some guy at my work actually sent out some mass email warning everyone of this upcoming gas crisis. What a dick. It's people like this guy that make my inbox a nightmare. I actually needed gas today, but I couldn't even get into the Esso near my house because it was packed with goofs with half a tank trying  to save a few cents. Thanks guys, but I'll gladly pay a few extra cents to avoid a mob of stooges any day.

The Biggest Douche Of All Time

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I think the man worthy of this tittle is none other than      Mr. kanye West. This dude oozes douche from every pore. He's guilty of pretty much every douche move in the book, but lets start with the wardrobe. Here are just some of the lame fashion disasters that put this dude on the top of my list.

 So now that we've got that out of the way, lets talk about his music. I must admit, the man has a few decent tracks, but I've actually downloaded a few of his albums and they were so shit. I found them to be all filler with a few played out singles thrown in here and there. I just don't get where this man gets his ego from really. It just keeps getting worse too. He's now at the point where he knows his shit will sell no matter what, so he starts doing stuff even he knows he cant do. Check out this somewhat recent video where he stands on a piano wearing a ridiculous looking suit singing his little heart out. Seriously dude, you can't sing, but that doesn't stop Kanye. Listen close to the lyrics. Even he knows he's a douche bag.




As if all that isn't enough to crown Kanye king douche, lets not for get about his epic fail when given the chance to publicly address the Hurricane Katrina situation, or how he destroyed one of the biggest moments of Taylor Swift's Life.







Kanye West, you are the biggest douche of all time!!!

People Suck!!!!!

I came across this video on Facebook and it just really pissed me off. I just don't know why someone would post this. It's a video of a pet snapping turtle ripping defenseless rats to pieces. It's pretty much the most disturbing video I have ever seen, so you might actually not want to watch it if you are squeamish. This video is so lame on so many levels. First of all, why would you have such a vicious pet? Do you really get pleasure out of having a little monster in an aquarium that rips live rats to pieces every day. I mean, this prob happens in the wild anyway, but why purposefully have this thing in your house? Second, even if you have a vicious pet that eats live prey, what the hell is wrong with the person who films that, edits it, ads music to it, and puts it on Youtube. I fucking hate people so bad sometimes.

My Little Zoo

I'm not quite sure if animals can be douche bags, but the freaking heard of animals living under my front deck is as close as it gets. The other day I almost shit myself when a big ugly possum ran out. Those things are so scary looking. Then the little dick stops and hisses at me, like I'm ruining his day or some shit. That pissed me off, but I could handle that if that was as bad as it gets. At least twice a week, I hear a ruckus that always ends in my whole house reeking like skunk for two days. So naturally I figured there is a family of skunks living there with the possum. Great right? Wait, it gets so much better. Under my deck there is a window well that obviously has one of my basement windows in it. So I'm doing some laundry and I hear a ruckus in the window well. I think to myself, oh shit, there's a family of skunks brawling it out in my window well. I reluctantly open in up and what do I see? Three freaking raccoons! But wait, it gets better. Two of them were screwing, and the girl raccoon was trying to attack the third one while taking it from behind. I totally watched for about thirty seconds because that is a total once in a lifetime for sure. Ha ha ha. How the hell am I going to get all these pain in the ass beasties out of there? I'm sure you're all are very familiar with possums, skunks, and raccoons, but pictures help illustrate just how annoying this situation really is. Here are just some of the little problems living under my deck. I think it's like a turf war at this point. 

The Toronto Make Me Laughs

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook about the Leafs today, and it reminded me that I really need to post about our beloved hockey team. He was basically complaining about the fact that the Leafs haven't won a cup in like a million years and prob won't win one in any of our lifetimes. The reason for this is that the Leafs are run by a bunch of greedy dirt bags. Toronto is such a huge hockey town that even if the Leafs never score another goal, the ACC will be packed for every game. The owners of the Leafs know this, and for that reason refuse to spend the money on the big name players it takes to win a cup. The other problem is, Toronto is so full of douches that it has become a freaking status symbol to go to a Leaf game. Next time you watch a Leaf game on TV, check out the audience. Most of them don't give a shit about hockey! They are just stoked that they got their hands on a Leaf ticket because it's cool to tell people they went to a Leaf game last night. Douches wreck everything. Real fans actually complain about ticket prices, while douches will willingly empty their bank accounts to be part of something they think makes them look cool. Go Leafs go.

Don't Do This!!!!!!

I'm usually pretty mellow when I drive, but there is one douche move that people keep pulling on me that makes me want to kill someone. It's so rude and so dangerous. Here's how it goes. I'm driving straight on a major road, so I'm going pretty quick. I see a guy at the approaching intersection waiting to make a right turn into my lane. There is clearly not enough time for this person to safely merge in front of me, but they pull out anyway, causing me to slam on my brakes. Really? How can a person be that stupid or rude? This has happened to me several times too. What the Fuck? Anyway, here's a little drawing to illustrate.

 Please excuse my lazy ass drawing, but you get the point.

If you have done this by accident, wake up! If you have

 done this because you're a rude, impatient dick, I hope

you crash your car soon. Don't get hurt, just wreck your car real good!

Why?

I saw a few things yesterday that made me shake my head and say why? Check it out.

 This guy was rockin the baggy gangster jeans all tucked 

up into his socks with the Lugs shoes like it was 1996 baby.

I never did understand the sock tuck.

The sock tuck made me laugh a little, but this kinda 

scared me. This little heart stopper is a ice cream

sunday made with bacon and maple syrup as part

 of an all out bacon festival going on at Denny's

Maybe it's just me, but it cant be healthy to be 

that stoked about bacon.

This Guy Is Just Lame

lame now




lame then

I try so hard not to hate on people, I really do. I know this blog is basically built on hate, but I really to try to give people a chance. Certain people just deserve to he hated on though, so here we go. Chris Brown just sucks. I mean, besides the obvious fact that his music is lame at best, he just keeps acting like a clown. When I heard about the Rihanna thing, I actually felt bad for him because even though there is no excuse for hitting anyone, I have a feeling that Rihanna was far from innocent in that situation. He was lucky enough to get out of that situation with his career in tact, then he freaks out after a recent appearance on a talk show because someone asked him questions about it. Come on dude! You can't be a famous guy that beat his girlfriends ass and expect everyone to forget about it. So what does he do? This guy trashes his dressing room and throws a chair through a window and apparently no charges were laid. Must be nice to be famous.

This guy is the definition of douche for sure. He continuously acts like a total clown, and on top of that, he just keeps jumping from one wack attempt to be fashionable to the next. Have you seen this kid lately? Home boy has bleach blond hair and is just trying way to hard in general. Check out how he's dressed for his Good Morning America interview. People like him make me laugh. You can tell he thinks he's some sort of fashion pioneer, but he's totally dressed like a white punk rocker from the 70's. People need to come up with something new instead of robbing style from the past and playing it off as their own. Anyway, check this video out. Except for that fact that these people seem to think that Chris Brown makes good music, this video is pretty on point.

Fillet-O-Gross

I'm not really a big fish fan in general, but I definitely wouldn't eat fish at McDonald's. I was in McDonald's today and I was totally grossed out by Dirty Ronnie's latest creation. Meet the Double Fillet-O-Fish.




Hell No! Who eats that shit?

Roller Douche

I love rollerblading, and I've seen some kids do some pretty cool stuff on skates, but it all seems kind of silly when this happens.

Facebook

I could go on for days about douche bag moves that people pull on Facebook, but there are a couple that really piss me off. I hate when somebody gets dumped and they change their status to single within 5 min of the breakup. You just lost someone you really cared about, and the first thing you do is run and update your relationship status on Facebook? Think about how lame that is and what that says about you as a person. It's probably that type of lame shit that got you the boot in the first place. These people are so desperate for attention. They will change their relationship status to single, then write something totally vague and emo about how everything happens for a reason. Then all their emo friends will ask them whats wrong. As if it isn't totally obvious you butt heads.

The other thing that pisses me off is fake profiles. At least twice a month, some random chick with an obviously fake profile will add me. I know it's a fake because the profile only has like 3 pictures and all of her 3000 friends are lame dudes. What kind of hot 19 year old girl only has 3 pictures and has 45 year old bald men writing all over her wall? What I can't figure out is, who the hell has time to manage a fake Facebook profile? It's actually a fair amount work when you think about it. Such idiots! Here's something to think about. Is a fake female profile most likely to run by another female, or is it a really creepy dude that likes to talk to guys? People are just so lame. I can't handle it.

Mall Thugs

These two dudes from MTV do a perfect imitation of one of the worst type of douche bags there is. The wealthy white kid that decides that he's going to be a thug. These sketches are too funny.

Sunglasses Indoors

I just don't get why you silly mofos insist on wearing your sunglasses indoors. Even worse, indoors and at night. What the hell is your problem? You don't look cool. You look like a total idiot. Is that what you people want? To look like a really unintelligent person that thinks they look cool? Because that's how you look to the rest of us. I kinda feel bad for some of these people actually. If you are that stupid, how do you get a job? Ah well, hopefully they will smarten up or become rap stars so they can wear sunglasses indoors for the rest of their lives. Anyway, here are a few pics to illustrate my point. As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Off Road Douche

Check this geek out. He is selling his Pathfinder on Kijiji and thinks that driving it up on random piles of snow is going to convince someone to buy this piece of junk. Wow dude, that must be the best off road vehicle on the planet to get all the way up on those piles of snow. Yes, that was sarcasm. First of all, who wants a 1998 Pathfinder? Second, even if for some reason I wanted a 98 Pathfinder, I sure as hell wouldn't buy it from this guy. If he's stupid enough do this in the pictures, imagine how badly he beat the shit out of this poor truck when there wasn't a camera around. Get a clue dude.

Might as well scrape that front bumper off the ground a little and rip that muffler off before you sell it eh budy? What the hell is wrong with you man?

How Can People Be So Cruel?

This reason this video made the blog is pretty self explanatory. This sort of cruelty is simply inexcusable. If you know anyone that abuses their pets or any other animals, do something about it!

Rims Just Aren't For Everyone

Aftermarket rims are meant to make a car look better, not worse. What is with all these idiots and their  ugly cars, with their busted ass rims? Not everyone can afford a sweet ride with some shiny 20 inch rims, but stop trying so hard to be part of the I got rims club. If your car is a beater meant to get you from A to B, stop making yourself look silly with those lame scratched up rims you bought from your friend's cousin. The worst is when you see a guy with a rusted out car with brand new rims, or when someone has like two rims and two tires with rusty steelies from Canadian Tire. Ha ha ha. It's OK to have stock rims people! Stop making yourselves look silly.

  

Now those are some sweet ass rides! Why put aftermarket rims on your busted car? It only makes the situation worse. Thanks for giving me something to write about though.

The Hospital

Douche bags are everywhere these days, and the Canadian health care system is no exception I guess. My mom has been in the hospital twice in the last month, and both times she came home with stories of a stay that was less than adequate. Both times she went into the emergency room and was kept for 3 days for observation. Both times she had to remain in a bed in the emergency room where she couldn't sleep because of the constant screaming of accident victims and their grieving families. The second time, she was told that they didn't have enough room and they would have to put her on a gurney in the hall. only when she broke down into tears did they decide to let my 65 year old mother keep her bed in her multiple person ER room. We pay so much tax in this country, and for what? My mother cant event get admitted to the proper section of the hospital. She had to spend six days in the emergency room witnessing things a regular person just doesn't need to see. I know I'm not saying anything we don't already know, but our health care system is bullshit. Better than many other countries, but still bullshit.

The Car Wash

I'm so sick of everything being a hassle because there are just too many dinks living in my city. I won't say what city I'm in because remaining anonymous allows me write about whoever I want. Ha ha. I realize that population growth is inevitable, but the city I live in is like a magnet for losers these days. Every time I go anywhere I notice a new housing development or condo building, and there is traffic like 24 hours a day. I just think that the powers that be in this city should think less about the money and more about how over population affects the quality of life for those that are already here. Which leads me to the reason for today's rant. I went to get a car wash at 11:00pm tonight and there was 5 people in line. This means I would have had to wait like half an hour to get a freaking car wash. Really? get the hell out of my city!! I think I'm going to have to move further north real soon.

A little tip for all you young studs out there. Next time you you are trying to close the deal, take your date through an Esso car wash. The colorful soap they use gets the ladies all worked up. Strange but true.